BY BIKRAM VOHRA
If I was given a shot of truth serum and asked what I really loathe, like heartily dislike I would say, forms. I hate forms. Filling them in drives me in paroxysms of rage and I have seen grown men break down. I remember the old days they would ask on the immigration form what your country of domicile is. I never knew what to write, never. Then they would say point of embarkation and I would get all muddled up like we have landed at three places since yesterday, which one works, what if they catch me in a lie. Then what is the diff between the billing address and the shipping address. And what about those parts that you are not supposed to fill in. Followed by the quiz contest: if you fill in Section A then you can fill Section C but not Section B.
Then there is your phone number. Do I put the country code or not?
Banks make you fill in forms. They have your money and they have full knowledge of your spending habits, they know more about you than you do, but you still need to fill in forms.
Apply for a job, fill in a form. Get sacked, fill in an HR form with the executioner grinning hideously as you read the fine print.
Okay, you get the drift. And why do they always leave .45 of an inch of space above and below each line so you have to squeegee your name in block letters and it looks like a dog’s breakfast. No one is stingier that the form designers. I think they are hired because they are naturally nasty and mean. Have you ever seen a generous here go for it, lots of space form. Ever?
Then there those multiple signatures. Have you ever filled a form and left out at least one of those tick here places and then had to look sheep-faced when it is pointed out.
And then the appendices that come along with the main form.
You’d think by now in this hi-tech age paper would have become obsolete. No way. And even when it is online you still have to print it, fill it, scan it, sign it, resend it and then it gets rejected because one of the columns with the mandatory * was missed.
One day they will have forms to fill so you can get a form. They will be called requisition forms. Uh oh, we already have them.