DAILY DOSE by Bikram Vohra
I am so totally intimidated by certain things. Cutlery and sit down dinners. Five star hotel staff who have that supercilious sneer. Expensive stores like you know where they sell their cheapest watch for $5000. A gold shop because they know you are the disco necklace type what are you looking at that braided rope for, imposter.
Itunes and Apps and how to download them.
The new Iphone thingee that has so many buttons I happily cut off mid-way and why do I want to watch TV on a 4 inch screen? Remote controls that have so many functions half of them you have never used.
That envelope which appears on your TV screen.
Credit card debt collectors who call on 508 numbers and have just eaten nails for breakfast.
Computers that are the only creation in the world that make you go to start to stop and is it any wonder than that POST and ENTER and GO don’t always do that. And why does email get so confusing that you reply to the wrong person or send the wrong part of the 33 messages in that name and Jacinta Roberts who keeps writing to me and wanting to be my friend. Where were you when Vohra was VOHRA?
People who say things like they just bought a villa in Costa del Sol or we are taking a cruise to the northern lights. The only northern lights I reach are upstairs because no one switches them off. People who are always well dressed and say pass the butter knife. The butter knife, the whatttt????
People who can pronounce meteorological and say hor d’oeurves for starters, it’s only spring roles and chicken nuggets, get over it.
Folks who know their reds and whites and actually swirl them and can taste the liquorice with the coca after taste.
Getting a ride in one of those top of the range cars that smell rich and leathery and sail like a ship and almost make you seasick and you wonder if there is something on you shoe you might leave behind.
Trying to have a conversation with an automated voice that tells you to press buttons for options. I did better with all the girlfriends who finally ditched me.
GPS.GPS.GPS. I don’t want to go, I want to stay home.